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What To Do About Adult Bullying

October 6, 2024
what to do about adult bullying
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I’ve been thinking a lot of about adult bullying lately (yes, it’s a thing). It’s top-of-mind after some things that I have witnessed on television and because of two incidents in my own life. Being a retailer, I run into cranky and impolite people, but that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking bullies. People who habitually seek to harm and intimidate others using their words and their actions. Bullying can be physical, material, verbal, passive aggressive/covert and even done online (cyber bullying). According to one Harris Poll, 31% of Americans report being bullied as an adult. This makes adult bullying as common as childhood and adolescent bullying. Shocking, but true! Not going to mince words here, bullies suck. And they can really mess with your mind. There are a few thing you can do about them though, so here goes…

what to do about adult bullying
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What To Do About Adult Bullying: Ignore Their Bait

All the articles I have read on bullying suggest this tactic with adult bullying. Because bullies enjoy watching you squirm, ignoring them can be disarming. If they are not getting the negative response they crave from you, they may move on to a different target. I think that this strategy is difficult at best. And part of me feels that it perpetuates the problem. But I also realize that your interaction with an adult bully is probably not going to cure their behavior.

According to Leah Katz, Ph.D., ” While it is often difficult to depersonalize, it is an important reminder that the bullying behavior is not about you. It’s about some unresolved difficulties on the part of the person doing the bullying.” So act like you don’t hear them. State that you don’t care about whatever it is they are saying about you. Or simply walk away. Of course, these suggestions are just that, and situation-specific, but it’s worth a shot.

adult bullying
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What To Do About Adult Bullying: Take a Stand

Bullies exploit fear. They feel powerful making you feel fearful or badly. In one of the situations I faced recently, a man in the grocery store threatened to “knock the sunglasses off my face,” when I addressed him as Mr. and his last name, rather than by his first name, which I did not know. He wanted me to call him by his first name and I think that he thought that this comment was funny. It was violent and inappropriate. I chose to stand up to this bully. In the relative safety of the checkout line, I told him in no uncertain terms that he was being inappropriate and that he needed to check his language. And I reported him to his employer.

The other way you can stand up to a bully is to use humor to disarm them. This can take some quick thinking on your part and, knowing bullies, may be lost on their part. But it’s a way to move on past the awful person.Taking a stand is hard. And I never recommend doing it if there’s any chance you could be harmed.

How to deal with adult bullies
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Tell Someone Who Can Help and Document The Problem

In the workplace, at school, in the grocery store, over the phone with customer service you can run into bullies. If you feel bullied, it’s very important to document the bullying. This is especially true where you work or anywhere where a bully can negatively impact your career, your education or your finances. Documentation is the only way that the adult bully will have repercussions for their behavior.

adult bullying
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If It’s Physical, Get Help Immediately

If a bully is getting physical, get help immediately. Call the police. Scream fire if you have to. If the bully is someone you are in a relationship with, you can call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at: (800) 799-7233. Or text BEGIN to 88788. If you see someone else being bullied, do something. You can tape it, call for help or step in, but always consider your personal safety.

You can read Dr. Katz’s entire article on adult bullying in Psychology Today here. Read related topics in my previous blogs like: Signal For Help From Domestic Violence Hand and A Surprising Fact About Domestic Violence.

I hope that your Sunday, heck, I hope your whole life, is bully-free. Enjoy, my friends. Marianne

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