Getting through hard times is never easy, but it can lead you to places you wouldn’t expect and places that are good. I learned this early on. When I was 19 years old, my boyfriend Nick died. He had a congenital heart defect and he did not survive the surgery to repair his heart. He was 21. It was the worst of times of my young life. I am firmly convinced that it could have easily changed me and the course of the rest of my life. It could have made me fearful and bitter. And for a time it did. However, with the help of good friends (thank you, Mary), therapy and a positive mindset, I reinvented my life without him. I did not get over it but I did get on with it.
It’s that positive mindset I am thinking about. What brought this idea to today’s blog was an article I read recently by Marc Chernoff (of marcandangel.com) called, “Hard things happen. 7 Notes to Self We Should All Memorize Before Life Gets Any Harder.” It’s definitely worth a read. His net/net is that hard things happen but the right mindset can eventually allow you to have another, albeit different, life afterwards.
Keep Calm and Carry On
Sometimes life sucks. There, I said it. You were thinking it anyway.You lose someone important, you lose your job, you get divorced, you get sick (hopefully not all at once). It’s the pits, but it is and you can’t change it. Accepting what is, is no easy task. But keeping calm and focusing on positives is a start. It’s a baby steps mentality that helps when getting through hard times. Take time each day to both acknowledge how you’re feeling about the hardship and then to remind yourself of the good things of your life, as well. Keep a journal, take a walk with your thoughts and the dog. If this calm carrying on is done on a daily basis it changes everything over time. Be kind to yourself, because this stuff doesn’t happen magically overnight.
It’s All About Your Attitude
My favorite quote from the article is: “A tiny part of your life is decided by completely uncontrollable circumstances, while the vast majority of your life is decided by your responses.” It’s simply the 90/10 principle, made famous by Stephen Covey. If you can quiet your mind during the chaos of grief or sadness and make a conscious effort to chose how you respond, you can reinvent yourself slowly. You can re-frame a new life without your person or your spouse or your job. How you respond is in your control and that’s what begins to change things going forward.
Use The Hard Times
Sometimes it’s also possible to use the frustration, pain and sadness to motivate you rather than defeat you. In the case of Nick’s death, I used this sadness to treat myself well. Every day, I took time to swim (and, I’ll admit it, cry) and I got physically stronger and slimmer, which help my attitude immensely. With a job loss, you can use the anger you feel to create one heck of a new resume or a killer business plan for a new opportunity. And remember, no effort is ever wasted, even if it doesn’t lead where you thought. “Failure is success in progress.” – Albert Einstein. Amen to that!
If you still feel like reading, check out my previous blogs, like: Thoughts on the 90/10 Principle and Changing Perspectives From A Woman of a Certain Age.
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